February 2004

02.27.04 at 21:14 Pacific - I only paintball at Promised Land Park: America's Best Christian Paintball Park, because those secular humanist paintball parks are a greased pole down to the fiery, smoke-filled pit of Hell.

Current Mood - Mmmm... fiery, smoke filled pit of... barbecued pork ribs.
Currently Listening To - the hum.

02.26.04 at 14:06 Pacific - I knew there were multiple reasons to boycott Urban Outfitters. First they were the only major retailer to sell Ghettopoly, and now they're selling this stupid fucking t-shirt. Most importantly though is finding out that the company's founder and president, Richard Hayne is a big supporter of right wing homophobe bedroom Nazi, Senator Rick Santorum.

Oh yeah, Urban Outfitters also owns Anthropologie and Free People, so boycott their fucking asses also. And if I EVER see anyone wearing that stupid fucking shirt I'm going to bash them in the head with a section of lead pipe, crap in their stupid mesh trucker cap and then make them eat it.

Current Mood - Caffeinated.
Currently Listening To - It raining like a mofo.

02.25.04 at 14:45 Pacific - The Firearms Manufacturers Protection bill (H.R.1036) has passed the House and appears to have enough votes to pass the Senate also, if those evil, evil Democrats don't insist on amending it with an extension of the Assault Weapons Ban. They're mad! Mad I tell you! Anyway, here's the Title, which gives you a basic idea of what the bill is about --

To prohibit civil liability actions from being brought or continued against manufacturers, distributors, dealers, or importers of firearms or ammunition for damages resulting from the misuse of their products by others.

The bill doesn't let dealers off the hook for supplying firearms to someone who they know will use it in a crime. So this bill would seem to protect companys and dealers in cases where say the family of someone who got shot in a convenience store holdup decides to take Mossburg to court because the robbers used a 12 ga. 500 Pump Action Persuader.

It's obviously not Mossburg's fault that someone got this gun and used it to commit a crime, right? Right. Nobody likes frivolous lawsuits, so what's wrong with this bill? Here's what's wrong with this bill.

Suppose that my next door neighbor, Mr. Crank-head sends his 10 year old over to my shop to "borrow Mr. X's chainsaw." In the course of the "borrowing", Junior manages to lop his hand off and dies of blood loss while at the same time gunking up my chainsaw with said blood. Not only does Crank-head decide he doesn't want to pay to have my chainsaw cleaned, but he thinks it's all my fault for not putting a lock on my shop and sues the hell out of me. It's totally fucking ridiculous, right? But I don't have some fancy law protecting me from Crank-head's frivilous lawsuit. Nope. I have to shell out the bucks, show up in court, and hope that the jury is at least one-tenth as smart as a slice of olive loaf.

So, in a nutshell, there's my problem with good old H.R.1036. Why should a select group of people be protected from this kind of thing, while the rest of us poor schmucks have to tough it out? Screw that, Bubba!

[Update as of 02.26.04 at 21:20 Pacific] Rereading this has really pissed me off again, especially considering that this bill is probably going to pass, so I have but one more thing to say to manufacturers, distributors, dealers, or importers of firearms or ammunition. My fuckin' forefathers didn't come to this country and kill the hell out of all those Indians -- a process which I will remind you provided that rugged American individualist image that is the best marketing tool you could ever have -- just so the government could make your fat asses immune to lawsuits. It's hard to be a rugged individual when you're suckling at the tit of the Big Government you gave all that fucking money to the Republicans to try and get rid of! Fuck youuuuuuuuuu Judas!!!

Current Mood - Waterlogged.
Currently Listening To - nothing.

02.24.04 at 11:38 Pacific - "The Federal Marriage Amendment is a reasonable response to the crisis for our democratic society created by those who would use the courts to overcome public opinion with respect to marriage. Gays and lesbians have a right to live as they choose. But they don't have a right to redefine marriage for our entire society."

Statement on the website of the Alliance for Marriage, 2004

"I want to tell you, ladies and gentleman, that there's not enough troops in the army to force the Southern people to break down segregation and admit the nigger race into our theatres, into our swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches."

Senator Strom Thurmond, 1948

Current Mood - Pissed off.
Currently Listening To - nothing.

02.23.04 at 23:04 Pacific -

Hey Haiti,

Remember me? I went through that Vodoun jag back in the early 90's. You know -- Aris mouri l'ale... Masiyon k'pran ason pa wè'l mashe awezon... Remember now? Yeah, that's right. That was me.

Anyway, so how have you been, baby? Really? Well frankly you don't look so good. Can I give you some advice? Honestly, from the bottom of my heart. Okay, here it is...

Convert to Islam. No shit. Convert to Islam like a motherfucker. Otherwise nobody here gives a damn. Do it the right way and you don't even get your asses kicked. We just come in and rebuild the country to make sure no Taliban shit gets kicked off, you know what I'm saying? And even if we do come in and wreck the joint, it's getting wrecked by the best baby. And we'll put that shit back together real nice when we're through.

You let these boys with the machettes and their fancy-schmancy Belgian assault rifles do it, and they'll have to hack the arms off half the people in the country before anybody even notices. And you think it'll be us that notices? Shit! Puh-leeze. You're gonna get some Mickey Mouse crew like the Francophone Nations... Franco-who? Franco-what? Yeah, I know! They crack me up too!

Seriously, if you're lucky you'll get the UN, but only if somebody heavy is pitching for them. That whole East Timor thing never would have got off the ground without Australia. You think France or Germany or Japan is gonna jump into something like that. And frankly, to get that kind of play you're gonna have to bring something new to the table, because we've seen it all before. Burning tire collars, rape camps, mass amputations. It's all been done, and most of the time that shit didn't even make more than a blip in the news. We have serious problems, like has-been pop stars exposing a tit to our children during the half-time of our most sacred homoerotic sports festival. Or whoever the hell Jennifer Lopez is going to get engaged to next. You know?

What? Okay, well you get that beauty sleep. Just promise you'll think about what I've said. And remember, baby...

Allahu Akbar.

Current Mood - Sleepy.
Currently Listening To - nothing.

02.18.04 at 21:33 Pacific - So I'm reading this article called "Who ARE these virus writers?" It's describing the script kiddie who released a variant of the LovSan/Blaster worm, Jeffrey Lee Parson. When I get to this line --

His motive is at this time unclear—the best current guess is that he merely wanted to prove that he could do it...

and all I can think is, "At least he's not chopping up hookers and putting them in his freezer to prove that he can do it. Though, I sure can't wait until the day when one of these little fuckers is capable of hacking the AIDS virus into a pneumonic form in his Dad's garage. Hopefully, my ass will be long dead by then."

Man! Do we live in a fucked up world or what?

Current Mood - Pretty damn dark.
Currently Listening To - "... it is the beating of his hideous heart!".

02.16.04 at 21:03 Pacific - And now, for no reason at all -- a picture of a weiner dog eating an ice cream cone.

Current Mood - Where's my amyl nitrate?!!
Currently Listening To - Half Japanese, "In the Hall of the Mountain King/Louie Louie".

02.16.04 at 20:32 Pacific - Wow! Sean Hannity's new book for just 99 cents? That's cheap enough for me to get it just so I can wipe my ass with it.

Oh wait. You have to accept four free issues of NewsMax Magazine? Well, that's not gonna work. Everybody knows you can't wipe your ass with those slick magazine pages.

Okay, I have to at least give NewsMax credit for leading me to these bozos who think we need to repeal the 17th Amendment to save the country. 17th Amendment? Yeah, I had to look it up too...

The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each state, elected by the people thereof, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote. The electors in each state shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the state legislatures.

See, before the 17th Amendment Senators were "chosen by the legislature" of each state, according to Article I, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution. Oh yeah, and the country was apparently much more stable.

I tried figuring it out, but gave up after the first three paragraphs because Spanky "Repeal the 17th" McDoodle wasn't getting to the fucking point. It's got something to do with airports and Sept. 11. Go figure.

Even Jerry Falwell laying down the 411 on "The Da Vinci Code" was more interesting... but not as interesting as Sophia Loren's magnificent breasts.

Ammàzzete! Guardi quelle cioccie! Mama mia!!!

Sorry... When I think about Sophia Loren's tits... something just comes out of me...

Anyway, anyone who figures out what the hell Captain America's problem is with the 17th Amendment and can put it into 30 words or less gets my eternal gratitude... and a Chewbacca PEZ dispenser.

Current Mood - I believe I could use a steaming cup of Pero, the Instant Natural Beverage Alternative to Coffee.
Currently Listening To - MC Scott McClellan feat. Contributor B and The Poor Man, "Gutter Politix".

02.10.04 at 12:10 Pacific - Dear Osama,

Go attack France. They're really asking for it.

Oh, wait. I forgot about you being hooked up to an iron lung and having to pee into a bag. Guess you won't be kicking anybody's ass anytime soon. My mistake.

You might as well forget about us for awhile anyway though. I caught your old summer camp buddy, George W. Bush on Meet the Press and he told Tim Russert "I have no idea whether we will capture or bring him(Osama bin Laden) to justice". When Russert asked if he knew where you were he said "You know, I'm not going to comment on that." So your "secret location" is safe *wink* and will remain so as long as Bush stays in office.

That should give you some time to get on the mend.

What's that? Those polls? Well let's just say that despite what fucking cry-babies like Bill O'Reilly have to say, you don't have to worry about Kerry anymore now that someone has found this ace-in-the-hole photo of him sitting in a crowd at a peace rally within twelve feet Jane Fonda . Come on. He's got guilt written all over his blurry red-commie face. That has to trump those three Purple Hearts, Bronze Star, Silver Star that he got while serving in combat.

Not that George W.'s record doesn't stand on its own. Why look at the press release from the Texas Guard after his first solo flight --

"George Walker Bush is one member of the younger generation who doesn't get his kicks from pot or hashish or speed.... As far as kicks are concerned, Lt. Bush gets his from the roaring afterburner of the F-102."

Whew! Lucky thing they didn't say anything about cocaine. But let's not worry about that. After all, George was honorably discharged, end of story. It's not like political influence could have had any more to do with his discharge than those dirty lies about his dad getting him into a pilot slot do. Like the man himself said,

"They could sense I would be one of the great pilots of all time." -- Houston Chronicle, August 1988

Boy, and he's modest too! You have to respect that.

Shit! I better go. The buzzer on my brownies just went off.

Well, see you later. Bye.

P.S. You better forget about that ecret-say lot-pay to bring erica-Amay to its ees-knay by replacing the U.S. Dollar with the Gold Dinar as the primary currency of the Muslim world. The infidels over at Agora, Inc. are on to you.

Current Mood - Like I'm a Chicano activist disguised as a Samoan Lawyer singing "One Toke Over the Line" while fucked out of my gourd on mescaline.
Currently Listening To - Myself humming "The Call to Prayer" since I forgot the words.

02.07.04 at 16:53 Pacific - Okay, it's immature, but I can't be the only one who thinks these two headlines are funny -- Spirit Rover Drills 'First Planned Hole' in Martian Rock and Opportunity Nestles Up Against 'Snout' Rock.

Come one people! It's funny!

Current Mood - Earth Needs Martian Babes.
Currently Listening To - White noise.

02.07.04 at 16:44 Pacific - I went to my first caucus today. My precinct was pretty much three apartment complexes so big surprise, there were eleven of us and no Precinct Committee Officer. The most ardent Kucinich supporter was the only one who showed any interest in doing it, so he was handily elected. Just me and a very nice little old lady (she was the only one who had ever been to a caucus before) were the only Kerry supporters. The Edwards supporter switched to Dean, so our two delegates ended up being one for Kucinich, one for Dean. Looks like me and the little old lady won anyway.

The Kucinich people were cool. Idealistic to the point of supporting someone who they knew deep down couldn't win, but I can respect that. The Dean people just seemed to be -- surprise -- angry, and floundering. Still, I can respect everybody for coming out instead of bitching about us not having a primary. Fuck! They held the caucus on a Saturday morning. What else do you want?

Coming from states that only had primaries I had always scoffed at the caucus system. It always seemed kind of archaic, but after listening to all these assholes whine about having to pick a party affiliation for ONE FREAKIN' DAY I'm sold on caucuses. If you want to have a say in selecting the Democratic Party candidate but aren't willing to say you're a Democrat, then you should shut your festering gob-hole and be happy you have two people to vote for on election day. If you don't like the way the system is but don't want to get your hands dirty to change it, then fuck you, bubba.

Fuck!

Current Mood - Caucused.
Currently Listening To - Lila Downs y Mariachi De Tecalitlán Juvenil , "La Llorona".

02.06.04 at 22:39 Pacific - There's a story just out by UPI reporter Richard Sale, who claims to have sources in the DOJ naming two Cheney staffers, John Hannah and Cheney's chief of staff, Lewis "Scooter" Libby as the leaks in the Valerie Plame "Spy Scandal".

Talking this over with my wife I was speculating whether Chimp-boy would dump Cheney if this story turned out to have legs. I don't think either of the staffers would ever roll over on Cheney, but given his continued insistence on WMD's in Iraq while even Chimp-boy is saying that maybe there aren't any (Something even Chris Matthews had to remark on and wonder whether or not Bush may be getting sick of Cheney peeing in the pool), plus the Energy Policy Meetings stonewall and the related controversial hunting trip with Scalia, plus Cheney's connections, however tenuous, to an increasingly dirty Halliburton, even blame for the leaks sticking to Hannah and Libby without directly rubbing off on Cheney could well be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

This of course led us to the craziest scenario ever. Are you ready? Sitting down? Here it is... Bush dumps Cheney from the ticket and picks up... Colin Powell. If things keep going the way they seem to be going, this could be the best thing for the Chimp, except of course a Bin Laden October Surprise.

Of course it'll never happen in a million years. But if it does, you heard it here first.

Current Mood - Un-cheneyed! Yeah, I hit the ground runnin'.
Currently Listening To - Los Tigres del Norte, "La Tumba de Mi Madre".

02.05.04 at 21:49 Pacific - Welcome to the All Turban issue of Satan's Left Nut.

It was probably about 1976. I was a wimpy little white boy of ten, flipping through the October 1972 issue of National Geographic, probably looking for pictures of naked "native" women, when I came across an article entitled "India's Energetic Sikhs". It was the first time I can remember seeing a turban and after actually reading the article and applying the Hegelian dialectic I had discovered something. Sikhs are total badasses... Sikhs wear turbans... therefore turbans are totally badass. I was not the first white-boy to discover this. No indeed. Not by a long shot. Nor was I the last. Now on to the links.

First up is the Seattle Times' Northwest Life guide to understanding turbans. For God's sake, learn your turbans before going out and committing a hate crime. You don't want to terrorize the wrong ethnic group. It's the kind of thing that gives White Power a bad name.

Next we journey to a virtual Ajaib-Gher in a magical land called Brooklyn, the website of DJ Spin Boldak -- Turbanhead.com.

If you've ever wondered "How to tie a turban" look no further. Brought to you by SikhWomen.com. If you prefer gettin' your turban tyin' lesson straight up from tha hood though (Reading, P-A 7-11 in tha muthafuckin' house, yo!), check out "Constructing the Perfect Turban".

Finally, stick it to L'Homme as he engages in a yet another dastardly plot to keep the brown man down. Sign the petition at United Sikhs demanding the stupid, bigoted new law in France, banning personal articles of religious identity, be abandoned.

Current Mood - Turbanified.
Currently Listening To - Bauhaus, "Man With the X-Ray Eyes".

02.05.04 at 10:54 Pacific - "For one thing is certain: the only thing you can expect from consorting with whores is all kinds of defilement, shame, scorn, poverty, misery and, what is worst of all, a bad conscience. It is only when it is too late that you realize what you have had, how foul, disgusting, louse-ridden and scabby they are, with stinking breath and stinking bodies, full fo pox inside and covered with pustules outside, so that eventually you are covered with the same shameful eruption and regret comes far too late."

Johann Jakob Chritoffel von Grimmelshausen, a note by the author, The Life of Courage: the Notorious Thief, Whore and Vagabond.

"Beware of whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is they want more money. Much more."

William S. Burroughs, Words of Advice For Young People

Current Mood - So piss off Satan And don't take me for dumber than I look.
Currently Listening To - Leafblowers.

02.04.04 at 11:02 Pacific - I've reserved any public judgment on the whole Capt. James Yee affair until now. In case you're unfamiliar, Yee is the Muslim U.S. Army chaplain who was counseling detainees at Guantanamo. In the course of a customs search "classified" documents were found, and Capt. Yee was said to have been evasive. Here's what CNN said at the time, quoting from an anonymous source --

Army Capt. James Yee was taken into custody by U.S. military authorities September 10 at the naval air station in Jacksonville, Florida, while in possession of classified documents "that a chaplain shouldn't have"...

...the documents included "diagrams of the cells and the facilities at Guantanamo [Bay, Cuba]" where about 600 al Qaeda and other "enemy combatants" are being held by the military.

Yee also was carrying lists of detainees being held there as well as lists of their interrogators...

...In addition to the classified documents, Yee is "believed to have ties to [radical Muslims in the U.S.] that are now under investigation"...

...Although no charges have been filed, the U.S. military is "investigating whether [Yee] may have [been involved in] espionage or treason"...

(link to full 09/20/03 article)

This news was followed by the arrest of two translators working at Guantanamo under similar circumstances. It was looking like the Army had busted up a spy ring.

So here I am hearing all this on the news and thinking "Good one, customs official! This guy is fucked! U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!". Well, at least I was right about Yee being fucked.

If you've kept up with the case you know that the charges issued soon after on October 10 were for " failing to obey a lawful general order". The Army assured us that "Charges of espionage, a more serious crime, would likely take a considerable time to assemble."

Then in November additional charges were filed -- adultery, making false statements and using a government computer to view and store pornography. Huh? I thought the guy was a spy. I immediately became convinced Yee wasn't a spy, but probably just sympathetic to his co-religionists and was going to leak some info to embarrass the military. "Well, given his position, that's still a crime and should be prosecuted" I thought to myself. I only chanted "U-S-A!!!" one time.

By now, in February, it looks like the whole case against Yee is falling apart. The classified documents were lists of detainees, which supporters of Yee have said he needed to minister to 400 men. As far as Yee being evasive, he was asked if he had any additional baggage by the customs agent. He said "no". Then it turned out he had checked a bag. So fucking what? Probably 50% of the people asked that same question would say no. If you don't have a checked bag WITH YOU, it's not unreasonable to say you don't have any additional baggage.

To get an informed opinion on the case we have this from a non-anonymous source in the NY Times --

"This whole thing makes the military prosecutors look ridiculous," said John L. Fugh, a retired major general and onetime judge advocate general, the highest uniformed legal officer in the Army. ... "It certainly seems like they couldn't get him on what they first thought they had," General Fugh said, "so they said, `Let's get the son of a gun on something.' "

Well, yes he might have fucked around and had porn on his computer, but so do plenty of people in the military who don't get busted to the full extent for it. Maybe he should be held to a higher standard because he's a chaplain. Maybe so, but so should any officer, and I'm guessing there are plenty of guys with birds on their shoulders and a girlfriend on the side who never did a day in the brig.

General Fugh is in all likelihood, correct. I for one feel badly about assuming his guilt when first presented with the case. I especially feel bad because he, his wife and child live in my town.

The really alarming thing in all this though came to me when I was reviewing the news and saw this brief article about four farmers in China who were evicted to make way for the Three Gorges Dam project. Protesting to Beijing about ill treatment and corruption by the dam building authorities, they now find themselves facing charges of "disclosing state secrets" that could get them up to five years in prison.

I was reflecting that at least in America they can't throw you in jail for not keeping your mouth shut. Well, maybe I was wrong.

One of the things that has come out in the Yee case is that he actively protested the treatment of some detainees. My initial impulse is to not give a shit how some qaeda or talib is being treated, but even I have to admit that we need to treat the detainees in a humane manner, at the very least to prove the superiority of our system of morality to theirs. They may not come to that conclusion, but who gives a fuck what they think? We shouldn't be doing it for them, we should be doing it for us and what this country is supposed to stand for. I would hope that their chaplain should believe the same thing and act accordingly, without getting his ass thrown in jail for it.

Now I'm going to go eat some ice cream, turn on the Fox News Channel, hit mute, and repeatedly chant "U-S-A!!!" at Brit Hume's gargantuan shit-filled cranium.

Current Mood - GIMME SOME CANDY!!!
Currently Listening To - The Bad Brains, "Pay To Cum".

02.03.04 at 10:48 Pacific - It's official people -- the annual Sacred Oracular Pennsyltuckian Marmot Torturing Ritual has revealed that we will have another six weeks of Winter, and not one person was crushed in a mad stampede to "stone the Devil".

This only proves my point that while we may be as stupid as "them strange foreign people", you'll never catch 2 million of us in one place at the same time doing the same stupid thing. Being disagreeable assholes is our biggest strength.

Well, that and twin-engined attack helicopters with 16 Hellfire missles and a 30mm automatic Boeing M230 Chain Gun mounted on the nose.

Current Mood - Better go fix a cuppa tea before I get cranky.
Currently Listening To - The MC5, "Kick Out the Jams".

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