May 2003

05.30.03 at 12:32 Pacific - Why does a Coca-Cola product targeted at Romanians have a site on a Danish domain that lets you make fun of Bollywood movies by adding your own subtitles to them? What the fuck was Coca-Cola thinking? Some of the results are funny, but so are dead baby jokes, and I wouldn't try to use one to sell soft drinks. Like I said to MiK in my best Col. Mustard imitation, "Gad! Sink me if all the heathen Hindoos in Ind'ja won't be screaming for the head of The Queen over this!"

Current Mood - Autohagiographic.
Currently Listening To - Apache Indian, "Pyaar, Pyaar".

05.29.03 at 20:08 Pacific - Saying that Republicans hate low income families would probably not be accurate, but saying they don't really give much of a shit about them now has some evidence to back it up. According to the formula worked out for the much trumpeted increased child tax credit, that windfall will not apply to families with incomes ranging from $10,500 to $26,625. According to The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities that's roughly one in every six children under the age of 17 shit out of luck. Attempts were made in the Senate to extend the credit to low income families anyway, but were dropped in the House-Senate conference in order to get as much value out of the dividend tax cuts - benefiting wealthy taxpayers - without exceeding the $350 billion limit. House Republicans blamed the dropping of the provisions on the Senate for being so unbending on the $350 billion limit. God forbid there should be anything resembling fiscal responsibility when there's a Republican in the White House. What'll those crazy Democrats want next, a balanced budget amendment?

Current Mood - Mind-numbingly phantasmagorically drakontological.
Currently Listening To - the Taos Hum.

05.29.03 at 14:41 Pacific - Imperial Scout Walker Kama Sutra.

Current Mood - Mind-numbingly drakontological.
Currently Listening To - nothing.

05.29.03 at 9:44 Pacific - A recent study reveals that video games are more likely to improve your kid's visual skills than send him on a murderous rampage through his high school on a delusional mission to assassinate the Supreme Strogg Commander. Go figure.
This reminds of a recent debate on CNN between some "watchdog group" nutjob and a video game developer, in which the nutjob brought up the whole Columbine-DOOM theory, and the game developer mocked him for suggesting that Kliebold and Harris actually developed combat skills playing such a lame-ass old game. Amen, brother. You want to learn how to bus' caps, you got to play Counterstrike.

Current Mood - Drakontological.
Currently Listening To - nothing.

05.28.03 at 11:36 Pacific - Random War on Terror™ grab-bag.
An interesting take on the whole "state of al-Qaeda" thing from the Guardian. In brief the writer thinks al-Qaeda is on the ropes and going down. Then again they could still get lucky and kill a bunch of people while they're doing so.
Looking at this article in the UK Telegraph on Camp Delta, the kinder, gentler Camp X-Ray, I'd say if they're planning on building execution facilities for those found deserving of the death penalty at a military tribunal, we're probably in this thing for the long haul. Or you could take it to mean that we've gotten everything out of these guys that we're going to get, so we might as well send 'em to Paradise via Old Sparky.
Also in the Guardian is an article giving some insight into the background and last moments of one of the 9/11 hijackers from his girlfriend in Germany. She thought he had gone to Chechnya to fight jihad since that was the last thing he had been talking about when he stepped out for a loaf of bread at the corner store.
This leads me to a case that troubles me - that of the Lackawanna Six. The case seems to be built on the fact that the six American citizens of Yemeni descent went to an al-Qaeda camp to train for fighting jihad, which is technically illegal since a 1998 executive order added al-Qaeda to the list of "specially designated terrorists". This is problematic to me for a couple of reasons though. First of all I can see why an American muslim as a statement of principle might want to go fight jihad. Aukai Collins did it and got some notoriety for writing a book about it. Second, from what I can remember al-Qaeda wasn't really on the radar of anyone other than experts before 9/11. I know ignorance of the law is no excuse, but I can also see how easily a well-meaning muslim attending a training camp with the intention of fighting jihad, not knowing who was sponsoring the camp could end up "being a member of a terrorist cell" in the eyes of an overzealous FB, which is then unwilling to back down from the charges. Probably the only reason Collins - who attended a camp in 'Pakistan sponsored by bin Laden - isn't in jail is that he was an informant for the FBI, it wasn't technically illegal in '93 when he attended the camp, and he's a white boy who converted. John Walker Lindh probably filled up the FBI's white boy quota - two would have been embarrassing. Embarrassment is probably the reason why the case went the way it did. The FBI doesn't have to be embarrassed that they didn't get what they thought they did, and these guys don't have to spend the rest of their lives in prison. I suspect if these guys really were members of a terrorist cell, which is how the media and FBI still refers to them, they wouldn't be getting a plea bargain that lets them serve roughly half the time of Lindh. At least I hope not.

Current Mood - Honorificabilitudinitatibic.
Currently Listening To - Chicago, "If You Leave Me Now".

05.22.03 at 13:42 Pacific - While we're relabeling parts of the government, how about renaming the Department of Homeland Security to the Department of Homeland Security and Truant Democrat Tracking, since that's what they're being asked to do?

Current Mood - Quidnuncic.
Currently Listening To - Nothing.

05.21.03 at 10:26 Pacific - The Defense Department has relabeled its Total Information Awareness (TIA) program. The T now stands for Terrorist. Whew! I guess that makes the government sorting through my credit card purchases, medical records, and employment history, then using that data for shit like this okay.

Current Mood - Rodomontadic.
Currently Listening To - The sound of my teeth trying to turn around in my mouth and eat my brain.

05.20.03 at 10:04 Pacific - I'm reading an article about Japanese pop culture in the NY Times and come across the following sentence "The vinyl floor is printed in a cartoonish, rooty-kazooty approximation of log-cabin floorboards in orange, tan and black." Rooty-kazooty? What the fuck?
While the NY Times is addressing the issue of journalists making up stories could they please say something about journalists who make up words and/or abuse their thesaurus. Sure I'm guilty of all the above, but after all I am just a social deviant with a computer and poor impulse control, not a professional writer? Also in my defense, when I used the words "fopdoodle" and "hooba-jooba", they were vital to the point I was making, not the verbal equivalent of a sprig of parsley.
Further research on the use of the word rooty-kazooty revealed that it is - 1) The name of a gyroplane belonging to freelance photographer and cameraman, Chuck Feil. 2) A term used to describe the manner of a wolf at the Wolf Park located in Battleground, IN. 3) The screen name for some lame-ass who got banned from a Counterstrike server for using an aimbot... Let's all point and laugh at that pathetic motherfucker.
Making up words is a fine thing, and I've always been an advocate of the evolution of language, i.e. doing to The Queen's English what the Visgoths did to Rome; however we should leave this up to trained professionals like Snoop Dogg and Ludacris, not bastards who out fine, upstanding, white, heterosexual anglo-saxon, fictional mice like Stewart Little.

Current Mood - Sesquipedalian.
Currently Listening To - Diamanda Galas, "Dark End of the Street".

05.19.03 at 8:46 Pacific - One minute you're the top pop music star in the world - the next you're reduced to being a mere dancer to someone else's music for a bottled tea commercial in Japan. This takes forever to load, but it's worth it for the sweet, sweet smell of irony.

Current Mood - Droogish.
Currently Listening To - Oasis, "Tomorrow Never Knows".

05.16.03 at 10:59 Pacific - According to some new scientific data, Neanderthals were not bred out of existence due to that good Cro-Magnon lovin'. I'm sorry, but if interbreeding with Neanderthals was possible, some Cro-Magnon somewhere was hittin' it. How else do you explain something like Ron Jeremy?

Current Mood - Metoposcopic.
Currently Listening To - Verve, "Country Song".

05.15.03 at 21:20 Pacific - R.I.P. June Carter Cash.

Current Mood - Sad.
Currently Listening To - Nothing.

05.15.03 at 08:01 Pacific - Don't quit your day job at the comic book store, Spanky. Turns out that Multnomah County, Oregon is not really seeking speakers of Klingon to act as interpreters for mental patients. "It was a mistake..." said the county chair in a news release, stressing that not a penny of taxpayer money had been spent on Klingon interpretation, although it's not like you'd have to pay interpreters - I'm sure they'd be willing to work for a bowl of warm gagh... Mmmm, that is good gagh!

In other dork-related news, my search in Seattle for Buddhist action figures was unsuccessful, although the guy at International Model Toy had seen them in a trade magazine. Hopefully this means they'll be available somewhere in the U.S. before my head explodes. The trip wasn't fruitless though, I did find the Korean version of Moonpies at Uwajimaya. I was hoping they'd taste more Moonpie-like, or even unusual, but they pretty much taste like a Nestle Crunch ice-cream bar. I also looked for the green tea marshmallow candy I once found in Brooklyn Chinatown, but no luck there either. In the liquor aisle I did come to a startling realization, at least startling to me. I can buy a bottle of sake big enough to get Godzilla pissed out of her gourd for $12, but a DVD of Yojimbo is $29.98? What up with that?

Current Mood - Brobdingnagian.
Currently Listening To - Captain Beefheart, "China Pig".

05.14.03 at 10:00 Pacific - Texas - it's like a whole other country... yeah, a country where mothers go nuts and kill their kids. Too bad this particular condition didn't strike Barbara Bush soon after Neil was born, she could have drowned the whole brood of little cockroaches in the tub and saved us all alot of trouble.
Without George though we might not have the spectacle of the Republican controlled Texas Legislature thinking they can gerrymander the districts to pick up seven more seats in Congress for the party at the next election. Of course their marching orders are coming from the leadership in D.C., so I guess this once we can't blame it on some asshole from Texas... except Tom DeLay is from Texas, so I guess we can.
Back to the child-killin' Texan mothers though, an informal poll revealed that your typical Texan mother thinks the perpetrator of the latest case should get juiced up by old sparky right quick. This is the kind of compassionate thinking that has made Texas the pole star for humanitarian thinkers the whole world over... Good luck to y'all ladies when YOU wig out and feed your kids into a wood chipper because Gawd told you to. Yeehaw!!!

Current Mood - Puissant.
Currently Listening To - David Bowie, "All the Young Dudes".

05.09.03 at 10:59 Pacific - These are the coolest goddamn religious action figures ever; better than the Job with action sores, better than God Almighty with "Kingdom-Come Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle". I'll be combing the International District in Seattle this weekend for these motherfuckers!

Current Mood - Like I'm the only gay eskimo in my tribe.
Currently Listening To - Steve Earle, "Angel Is the Devil".

05.08.03 at 14:27 Pacific - The worst part about getting a vasectomy is not the whole having your nuts whittled on by some guy with a laser scalpel, while trying to focus on a conversation about New Guinean tribal wood sculpture (no kidding!) part. No, the real worst part is having to argue on two separate occassions with middle-aged women about the freshness of your semen sample. To look on the bright side it'll probably be the last time I ever have to say "LOOK LADY, WE JUST NEED TO KNOW IF THEY'RE THERE, NOT IF THEY CAN SWIM!" in public. Ah, memories...

Current Mood - I am the Lizard King.
Currently Listening To - Willie Nelson, "Blue Eyes Cryin' In the Rain".

05.07.03 at 10:33 Pacific - An alert called out helicopters, sniffer dogs, and "special Cobra combat forces" *smirk* in Austria when a 53-year-old forester mistook a teenager dressed for playing war games as an invading army. The full article is here. I guess "the crazy old bat down the block who thinks her Mexican neighbors are all Al Qaeda terrorists" lives in Europe too. Really though, who the fuck was this guy expecting to be invading Austria? Maybe the kid "looked Slovenian."

Current Mood - Wrapped in plastic.
Currently Listening To - Mclusky, "Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues".

05.06.03 at 10:14 Pacific - This idiotic (but entertaining) editorial by Norman Mailer came to me via The Poor Man, so credit goes where credit is due. If you want to save the trouble and hilarity of reading it, the gist is that the REAL reason we bombed the shit out of Saddam is because white American males are all p-whipped and even the last bastions of white male sportdom have been invaded by the sexually potent Negro hordes - I'm lookin' at you Tiger Woods. I can only reflect that in a just universe a truly benevolent Gawd would have seen that Norman Mailer was smoking a turd in Hell with Nixon a good number of years ago.

Current Mood - I have no mouth yet I must scream.
Currently Listening To - Nina Hagen, "Om Namah Shivay".

05.01.03 at 10:07 Pacific - Happy May Day! Here's an article on May Day from some real anarchists ( who I respect ), as opposed to the stupid hippy assholes in my town who are going to celebrate May Day by fucking up traffic to assert their right to fuck up traffic. That's the way to stick it to the man! It's not like there are any meaningful issues to get involved with in a state with the second highest hunger rate in the nation. After all, when the revolution comes we'll be living in treehouses and growing our food in communal gardens.
Speaking of the worker's paradise, the Free State Project got some play in the local paper last week. If you haven't heard of them, they're the group of Libertarians who want to get enough people to move to one low population state and work within the political system to "reduce the size and scope of government". I heartily wish that they would succeed just so we could prove once and for all what a crock of shit Libertarianism is.
The funny thing is that I believe in alot of the same basic principles that the people whose nuts I'm busting believe in, but we all live in a real world, where things like cars and government involvement in health care and transportation are necessary.

Current Mood - It's the liquor talkin'.
Currently Listening To - The sound of one hand clapping.

Back Home

This website is the sole responsibility of and all original material is copyright © 1992-2002 to cleetus_x. Please don't bite my shit without giving props. Send all complaints, lawsuits, hatemail, virii, cookies, dead animals, dirty underwear, naked pictures, and other tokens of love to